Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
