Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
