I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
