you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
