I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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