Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
