just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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