Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
