No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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