found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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