remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
