so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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