It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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