can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
