dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
