Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
