you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
