Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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