My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
