i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
