can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
