Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
