There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
