i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
