I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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