Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
