You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
