Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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