Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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