I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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