If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
