My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
