he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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