Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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