The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
