At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
