dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
