I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
