38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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