I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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