Screwed.edu
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Life is so much better after having sex.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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