Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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