Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
