I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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