I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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