we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
