ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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