I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
