I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
