There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
