I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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