He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
