Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
