I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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