I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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