he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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