i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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