Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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