You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
