Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
