You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize