He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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