AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
