If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
