theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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