All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
