a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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