I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
