Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
