all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He felt like a one man threesome
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
