I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
