My first STD was from a foam party
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
