She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize