I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
