I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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