it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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