do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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