nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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