That's intense
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
