Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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