So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
