it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
