6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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