Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
