Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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