You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
