don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
