Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
