i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize