Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
