Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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