I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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