I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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