I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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