If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
