Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
