shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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