I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
