6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
