Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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