Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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