By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
