Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My breasts were aching with rage.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
