apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize