I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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