i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
