You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
