I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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