i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I cut my penus on the lid.
You're like the curious george of whores
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
